We made it through the first month of 2019 Guys! First, let’s take this time out to give ourselves credit for making it through the first month, we worked on redefining ourselves (Remember this is an ongoing process), we learned signs of abuse, and we learned how to be supportive of a partner with relationship anxiety.
February is the month of love! Unfortunately, love is also confused with behavior that occurs in toxic relationships. It is important that we distinguish these things from love. I will talk next week about what love is, but I think it is important to talk about what love is not first. Many people confuse love with behaviors and feelings that are connected to love, but not synonymous with love.
If we want to avoid toxic relationships, it is time we unlearn these 7 myths about love to
1. Love is not TRUST
If I had a dollar for every time I have heard the lie, “You cannot love someone if you do not trust them” I might be rich. This is utterly false. Do you have a sibling? Or a family member you are close to and is around your age? Do you love them? If yes, would you trust them in EVERY context? Probably no!
I have a niece that is a teen. I love her with all my heart and would go to war for her. However, when I leave, I lock my door because I do not trust her not to rummage through my hair supplies or skin products. She has proven herself to be untrustworthy in that particular context, but I do not love her any less
2. Love is not FORCED
There is absolutely NOTHING you could do to make someone love you. You could be the best lover in the world; you could be by their side through the toughest financial and health situations; but the decision to love you back rests entirely upon them.
Do not question your value or worth as a lover but understand that sometimes we simply will not be what another person wants. Some people like their jewelry from Kay Jewelers and some from Claire’s. It’s 100% their choice, if they do not choose an authentic, valuable lover.
3. Love is not INCONSISTENT
Love does not wax and wane with the passing of days. It is impossible for someone to constantly alternate between “They love you,” and “they love you not”. Love is a consistent action.
People also consistently make time for what they genuinely love. If there is extreme inconsistency in your partner’s willingness to make time for you (even 10 minutes out of their day), it is likely that they do not love you. Working adults are busy, but a 10-minute call or quick text to say “Hey baby, I was thinking about you and just wanted to remind you that I love you” is more than sufficient.
4. Love is not ABUSIVE
Under no circumstance, could someone who loves you knowingly abuse you, while fully aware that they are hurting you. This includes physical, emotional, mental, sexual and financial abuse. There is no justification or argument for this one.
ABUSE IS NOT LOVE!
*NOTE: If you need help identifying the signs of abuse, please CLICK HERE
5. Love is not UNSURE
When you are in love, you will know it. There will be no question about it. It is a feeling unlike no other. It’s blissful, fulfilling, and empowering. It motivates you to be better and want more. Anything less is not love. If you have to question it, it is not love. If someone else has to question their love for you, that is not love.
6. Love is not SHAMEFUL
I am a millennial, so I feel confident in saying that our outlook on love has shifted for the worse. It is shameful to fall in love. It is not a crime or a sign of weakness to let your guard down. Falling in love is powerful and takes strength. You have to be a strong person to give someone power over your heart that way and trust yourself to heal and survive if they ever break it.
Everyone wants to be promiscuous or simply “talk and see where it goes,” but they put roadblocks up to stop themselves from going down a path of love.
Love is beautiful and magical. It is nothing to be ashamed of. When you truly find it, embrace it.
7. Love is not ENOUGH
After all of this, it is important to realize that love may also not be enough to sustain a relationship on its own. This is one of the most believed myths about love Love needs to work in harmony with the 4 C’s for a successful relationship: commitment, consistency, communication, and comfort.
Unlearn the Myths About Love & Get Out of Toxic Relationships
I wish you the best this February, whether you are in love, in an unrequited love affair, actively searching for love, or on a love hiatus. Whatever the case, it is important to recognize what love is not. I will meet you back here next week to discus what love actually is.
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About the Author
Mish (Pronounced Meesh) Truth has always been a natural social justice advocate. She now holds BA in Psychology and will hold an MSW by May 2021.
She is is passionate about social justice issues and overall mental wellness. This includes knowledge on how to develop healthy relationships, and awareness mental and medical illnesses, and social justice issues.
Growing up in an urban, low income, community, she learned a lot before her time. She credits her success to her self awareness and desire for personal growth.
Her goal is to change the world by affecting at least one person, educating them, inspiring them, and then empowering them to go out and affect more change.
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