This post is very important to me. Sometimes I am blinded by how I feel for someone else and I tend to disregard the signs that they may not feel the same way, and may certainly not be serious about a relationship with me.
This is not just my doing. I see this a lot. People make excuses for why people engage with them in one way or another, when the reality is that they cannot accept that the person is not interested in them. Sometimes a person may start off interested in you, and then that interest can fade out. If this happens, we need to be sure to accept that they have lost interest in us and more on. If you need help moving on check out my post on Redefining Yourself.
1. They disregard your feelings
Do they disregard your feelings and opinions? When you get excited about a topic, do they shut the conversation down because they are not interested? When you talk about your talents do, they constantly find faults or compare your abilities to someone who they think is better?
A partner is supposed to be supportive and encouraging. They are supposed to encourage your creative activities not stunt the growth of your passions.
If this becomes more serious to the point that your partner actually humiliates you or makes you feel inadequate whenever you speak, you may be experiencing emotional abuse. If you are interested in seeing some techniques that abusers commonly use please Click Here
2. They won’t let you meet their family
If someone is serious about having you in their life, they would want you to be around the other people who are constant in their life.
When speaking of family, I am referring to the people who are closest to them which could be blood relatives or not. Have you met these people?
If you are waiting to meet the family, do they talk about their family? If they begin a story, can you just imagine what their family member probably did or said before they finish? If you know nothing about the most important people in their lives, not their names or a glimpse of a personality, I am sorry to inform you that they may not be so serious about the relationship.
3. They are not open with you
If a person cannot be honest with you or keeps a lot of secrets from you, they are not serious about a relationship with you.
I would liken it to staying the night versus moving in. When you stay the night with someone, you live out of a suitcase and choose what to pull out. When you move in, and make the place your home, you unpack everything.
Is your significant other living out of a suitcase when it comes to sharing their feelings with you? Do they pick and choose what to share, like packing a suitcase with very specific items? Or have they made you their home, where they can unpack their feelings and past with you?
If you are not home to them, it is not serious.
4. They don’t encourage you to be open with them
When you are stressed, do they care? Do they want to know why? Or do they say pacifier statements like “aww it will get better.”
I told a guy I was seeing that I hadn’t talked to him for a few days because I was really depressed. He liked the message and said no more about it. He did not ask why I was depressed. He didn’t offer any advice or help. I am convinced that he did not care and at that moment, I knew he was not serious about a relationship with me. I was willing to be open and honest with him, but there was no invitation to be.
5. You’re not a priority
Are you a priority to them or an escape from boredom? Do they cancel plans with you if something more appealing comes up? Will they put something they want to do on hold, to make sure that you are okay? Do they care enough to check on you throughout the day? If not, then they probably are not serious about a relationship with you.
6. They do not respect your boundaries and morals
Whether those boundaries involve PDA, sex, personal space, or anything else, they should respect them. They should not rush you into things that you are not ready for but should respect the pace you set.
They also should not disregard your moral, religious or philosophical beliefs. If you need time to pray, they should let you. If you think drinking is wrong, they should respect that.
If this is not what they are doing, they are not serious about a relationship with you.
7. They do not talk about the future
Okay so for this one, I have to rip the band-aid off. If they do not talk about the future with you, it’s because they don’t see one with you. They are not serious about you.
8. You can feel it
We can feel when something is off. Do not take this intuition for granted. Yes sometimes anxiety does get the best of us, and we may need reassurance as I spoke about in my article, What to Remember When Dating Someone with Relationship Anxiety. However, when that intuition is there and no matter what, it won’t leave, that person may just be uninterested.
Question of the Week
What is one thing you look for when dating to know if someone is serious about you?
[You know if someone is serious about you because] they pay attention to the little things about you and the things you say. They are willing to do things or try things for you. They know that every day won’t be perfect individually or together, but in the end, they care about you and remind you of it. It’s important to remember that no person or relationship is easy, but it’s all about how you treat each other in the good and bad times.
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Find someone who is serious about a relationship with you!
I have had my heart broken a few times because I chose to ignore these signs. I do not want that to happen to you. I encourage you all to pay attention and love yourself enough to let go if you are not getting the love you want and deserve.